So it has been an extremely busy time in our house the past couple of weeks. October always seems to bring on the endless activities. With fall festivals, parties, my birthday, and random projects for work, we rarely have a moment to catch our breaths until the New Year.
Monday was my 26th birthday. Yes, yes, I am 26 and honestly feeling like I am finally pulling up my roots and moving forward with my life. I have felt so stuck since I graduated from college in 2011. I am finally going back to school to get a Master's in Secondary Education. It is not my first choice however. I went to school for avian paleontology. I wanted to study the origin and evolution of birds from dinosaurs. Sadly, the field is extremely small and when I say small, I mean there are only two people in the United States that I could work with on a graduate level and some 800 students applied for those 2-5 spots. I just can't compete despite my many accomplishments, including being a published scientists. I am very proud that my undergraduate research was published and hoped it would be enough for any graduate program, but sadly it wasn't. So, I have finally decided it is time to move beyond my dream to something more tangible. I decided if I can't be a paleontologist, I might as well teach it, so I am going to become a high school biology teacher. I went to an orientation/Q&A this morning and the program's dean, admission counselor, and one of the teachers absolutely adored me. They went on and on about what a wonderful teacher I am going to be and the dean said she was thankful I was turned down by other graduate programs. For the first time in 3 years I finally feel like I am worth something. I can't even begin to explain how much it meant to me to hear someone tell me they want me in their program; that I am valuable and have something worth sharing with the world. I cried when I got in the car because I was so overwhelmed. I have been rejected from graduate programs 10 times. That is 10 times I was told, "Sorry, you aren't good enough for us." Ten times I felt worthless, like a failure, like wasted space. I have spent the past three years angry with myself. Well, I am done feeling this way. I am not not a tree; I am going to move forward.
This isn't going to be an easy process, but I think I will be happy with it in the long run. Biology teachers are highly sought after and with a Master's I should make very decent money. I will be able to move where ever I want in the country or even outside of it, have the same holidays off as my children if I decide not to home school, and get to teach my favorite subject in the entire world.
Needless to say, I have been busy. I haven't even bought pumpkins, let alone made a Halloween tree to set up an altar to honor the dead. I would feel guilty, but I don't. I had to focus on me for once and what I needed to do in order to feel alive. I am sure my deceased friends and family will understand and forgive me.
I plan on posting next Friday for the Pagan Blog Project and hopefully an addition post sometime next week; on what I am not sure yet, but I will figure it out.
I hope that everyone is enjoying this lovely fall and doing well!