On the night of December 15th, 2024, my father suffered a major cardiac event. Almost 48 hours later, we made the incredibly difficult decision to take him off life support, and he passed less than a minute later on December 17th. I never thought I would be saying goodbye to my hero at just 36 years old, especially considering my grandparents all lived well into their 80s and his mother is still alive. I thought I had at least 20 years left. My family is marked by long, generally healthy lives, so my father suffering a heart attack was completely out of left field and left everyone in the family reeling. My father is and was my hero; he was always my biggest supporter and an honest, hardworking man who loved my mother and his children endlessly.
This past March, my beloved cat Oscar unexpectedly suffered a medical event (one the vets still cannot explain), and he passed in my arms. I felt like my father had died all over again. When I went through a nasty divorce in 2017, my dad took me that same weekend my ex-husband walked out on me to get a cat so I "wouldn't be alone." That cat was Oscar, who was one of the sweetest, most beloved cat I have ever owned. His sudden passing rocked my family just as deeply as the loss of my father, and left my friends and the vet staff heartbroken as well.
Navigating this sense of extreme loss has not been easy, even with performing my Ritual to Release Grief a year and a half ago (which worked wonders until Oscar passed). There are a lot of days I sit in my car after work and just cry because I know that when I walk into my house, Oscar will not be there to greet me at the stairs. When something goes wrong, like the hot water heater unexpectedly breaking in May, I cannot call my dad to help me fix the issue. With as much spirit work as I do, you think I would be able to handle this grief with grace, but I have completely blocked out all but a few spirits for almost two years. I no longer dream like I used to; spirits no longer show up at my door; even my guides have remained mostly quiet, giving me the space I requested.
Recently, everything came to a head when I ended up in Urgent Care, followed by the Emergency Room, with my blood pressure through the roof and an anxiety attack that is still plaguing me as I write this post over a week later. I realized it is time to release this grief, anxiety, and negative thought patterns I have been carrying around with me. To release these emotions is not to love my dad or Oscar any less, nor is it an admission that my anxiety is unfounded. Suffering as I have is doing no one any good, and it won't bring either of them back nor change the outcome of certain events.
This ritual is about letting go, which is perfect for this season when the trees shed their leaves and rest until spring. Why not take advantage of this opportunity to do the same? While you may not have any grief to let go of, there is certainly something you can release. I have written this ritual to be open-ended enough to apply to any situation you find yourself in and encourage you to modify as needed. Use it to release bad habits, old relationships, or anything else that no longer serves you. Heck, combine it with cleaning out your clothes closet, which I am also doing in conjunction with this ritual, to make room for new beginnings. This is an opportunity to enter into winter free from what no longer serves us so we may rest and rejuvenate before being reborn in the spring.
What You'll Need
- Fallen leaf or piece of paper for each item you are releasing
- Writing utensil
- Obsidian, rose quartz, and aquamarine
- Optional: Black, white, or blue candle; match/lighter, journal
What to Do
This ritual is best performed during the waning or dark moon. Begin by cleansing and consecrating your space and objects using your preferred method. If you wish, cast a circle, call quarters, and invite any deities, spirits, or ancestors you want to witness or assist in your ritual.
If using a candle, light the candle and sit comfortably. Take a deep breath in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4, then breathe out slowly for 4 seconds. As you repeat this breathing exercise 3 to 5 times, visualize yourself connecting with the earth below you and your energies concentrating in your center.
When you are sufficiently relaxed, grounded, and centered, begin reflecting upon the changing seasons, how the leaves have begun to change color and fall, the nights are growing longer, and the days are getting cooler. Think about the signs of decay you see occurring around you, especially if you are using leaves for this ritual. Reflect on the leaves' changing role in the ecosystem, how they began as a place of photosynthesis and food production for the tree and ended as nourishment for the soil and a wintering location for insects and their offspring. Relate the tree's life cycle to your own life. Just as the tree sheds its leaves for winter, what must you let go of so you may bloom in the spring? If needed, journal as you reflect to help you get everything out. Below are some potential journal prompts to guide you in your reflection:
- What am I holding onto because I fear what might happen without it?
- What is the difference between something ending and something failing?
- What have I outgrown, and what support do I need as I change?
- Where am I being asked to release something that I am not actually ready to release?
- What can I return to the earth?
Once you have a good idea of what you wish to release or let go of, pick 1-3 expectations, habits, behaviors, or emotions to focus on. Be sure to choose something specific you can realistically release or change, and don't try to force yourself to let go of grief or necessary needs. You also don't want to pick too many things and overwhelm yourself, so try your best not to exceed 3 things.
Write each of the things you are letting go of on the leaves or pieces of paper. Stack the leaves or paper and place the obsidian on top. Hold your hand over top and say, "I cut the cord between me and [name of what you are releasing]." Next, place the aquamarine on the stack. Hold your hand over top and say, "I am calm and fearless during this transition. I know how to move forward in strength." Finally, place the rose quartz on the stack, hold your hand over it, and say, "I love the person I was, the person I am, and the person I am becoming."
With all three crystals on the stack and your hands still hovering, visualize yourself letting go of everything you have written down. Feel fear, apprehension, and insecurities leave with each exhale, and love replace them with each inhale. Visualize your future free from what no longer serves you.
When ready, remove the crystals from the stack of leaves/paper and release them in one of the following ways:
- burn it
- rip it up and bury it at a crossroads
- toss into a running river or stream
No matter what method you choose, as you let go of each leaf/paper, say, "What has changed, I allow myself to acknowledge. What I can release, I release with care. What I must continue to carry, I will carry with support."
Be sure to snuff out the candle at the end of the ritual.
Warnings/Modifications/Alternatives:
- Do not leave a lit candle unattended, and always have water or another fire extinguisher nearby.
- Altering your breathing can cause a reduction in blood pressure, which can cause you to pass out. It can also trigger seizures in some people and PTSD in others. If you are worried about passing out, begin this exercise by lying down. I also suggest practicing with a friend to ensure your safety.
- Obsidian can be replaced with black tourmaline or onyx; rose quartz can be replaced with rhodonite; aquamarine can be replaced with black or blue kyanite, amazonite, or moss agate.
- If you cannot dispose of the spell remains per one of the suggested methods, throwing the leaves/paper in the trash after ripping them up will also work. Be sure to remove the trash promptly from your home.
- When visualizing, remember you do not need to see a physical image in your head. You can focus on the physical feeling of your goal, such as a warmth in your chest, a lightness in your body, or strength in your legs.
- Additionally, the leaves you collect can come from a tree that corresponds with death, rebirth, and cycles, such as hawthorn, weeping willow, or silver birch.
Why You Did It
Understanding the whys of a spell (or ritual or recipe) is just as important as performing it. It helps you understand the process so you can modify the spell or ritual to suit your needs, and it helps guide you in writing your own. It's my intention to provide these explanations so that you can build a better understanding of how spells are written and executed, so you can modify and build your own spells (the goal of my Spellcrafting Series).First, this spell is best performed during the waning or dark moon, which is associated with release, cord cutting, breaking habits, banishment, and shadow work, which are the main focus of this spell.
Next, box breathing was used to help you ground and center, while placing you firmly in the moment to engage in reflection and release. Centering helps to pull your energy into yourself, allowing you to release portions of it when needed, which occurs later in the ritual with the burning, ripping, or tossing of your written intentions. This is coupled with an optional journaling exercise to also help focus your intention. Self-reflection is imperative to ensuring you are releasing what you should be, instead of something you need or require.
A black, white, or blue candle could be used in this ritual to enhance your spell work. Black is associated with banishing bad habits, cutting ties, clearing heavy emotions, and ending cycles/break patterns. White, on the other hand, is associated with purification, clearing spaces, and resetting your energy after release. Blue is associated with emotional healing, forgiveness, and peace/calm, allowing you to move forward after a difficult transition. If you decide/decided to use a candle during this ritual, try to align it as best you can with what you are releasing. Personally, I used a blue candle because what I chose to release were emotions that were no longer serving me, and blue is the color of emotion.
Your intentions were written on a leaf or piece of paper to declare your intention with the Universe and yourself. A leaf or piece of paper was chosen because they are biodegradable. As they decay or burn, the thing you are releasing will decay or burn with it. Fallen autumn leaves are also associated with release, death, and the end of a cycle, assisting you in breaking a cycle or pattern in your own life. These intentions are finally released at the end of the ritual using burning, ripping and burying, or throwing into a river.
Fire is associated with transformation and cleansing. By burning what you wish to release, you are purifying residual energy and dissolving negative attachments. Burning is commonly used in banishing work because of this.
Ripping, like burning, is also used to release residual energy and cut the cord, so to speak. This is followed by burying at a crossroads so the intention can decay and the transition or release will occur more slowly. Abrupt transitions, like burning, can sometimes be startling if you are not quite ready to release everything. Sometimes people report feeling pain, discomfort, or even an emptiness if they release too much too quickly. A slow decay can prevent this. A crossroads is chosen because it is a liminal space, one associated with transitions and release.
Throwing or releasing into a river, while also associated with letting go and banishment, is also associated with emotional healing. This is ideal for letting go of emotions such as grief and anxiety. It is faster than burying but slower than burning. Running water helps wash away the negative emotions, leaving you feeling soothed and renewed.
Finally, obsidian, aquamarine, and rose quartz were used to strengthen your intention and support you moving forward. Black obsidian encourages deep shadow work and helps cut emotional cords to the past; aquamarine relieves fears and smooths the transition into a new chapter; and rose quartz promotes self-love and self-forgiveness.
Want to break this spell? To reverse this ritual, perform a reclaiming ritual that draws the energy back to you. Light a white, light pink, or green candle. Visualize your intention and chant, "What I released, I now welcome back. I open my heart and mind to reconnect with [name of what you released]. The cord is mended, and I choose to hold on once more." Follow this ritual up with an offering and a heavy meal to ground you in the present.
Remember to record this ritual in your Book of Shadows or use my Spell/Ritual Worksheet for reference later.
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Taking care of yourself is important, especially as we move into the holiday season. I know this can be a tough time for many people, and while we traditionally associate this time of year with abundance and prosperity, it is also a time of release. The earth's great exhale before rest. Whatever you choose to release, I hope that you move forward feeling lighter and more grounded, ready to take on the coming changes.
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