Monday was my 26th birthday. Yes, yes, I am 26 and honestly feeling like I am finally pulling up my roots and moving forward with my life. I have felt so stuck since I graduated from college in 2011. I am finally going back to school to get a Master's in Secondary Education. It is not my first choice however. I went to school for avian paleontology. I wanted to study the origin and evolution of birds from dinosaurs. Sadly, the field is extremely small and when I say small, I mean there are only two people in the United States that I could work with on a graduate level and some 800 students applied for those 2-5 spots. I just can't compete despite my many accomplishments, including being a published scientists. I am very proud that my undergraduate research was published and hoped it would be enough for any graduate program, but sadly it wasn't. So, I have finally decided it is time to move beyond my dream to something more tangible. I decided if I can't be a paleontologist, I might as well teach it, so I am going to become a high school biology teacher. I went to an orientation/Q&A this morning and the program's dean, admission counselor, and one of the teachers absolutely adored me. They went on and on about what a wonderful teacher I am going to be and the dean said she was thankful I was turned down by other graduate programs. For the first time in 3 years I finally feel like I am worth something. I can't even begin to explain how much it meant to me to hear someone tell me they want me in their program; that I am valuable and have something worth sharing with the world. I cried when I got in the car because I was so overwhelmed. I have been rejected from graduate programs 10 times. That is 10 times I was told, "Sorry, you aren't good enough for us." Ten times I felt worthless, like a failure, like wasted space. I have spent the past three years angry with myself. Well, I am done feeling this way. I am not not a tree; I am going to move forward.
This isn't going to be an easy process, but I think I will be happy with it in the long run. Biology teachers are highly sought after and with a Master's I should make very decent money. I will be able to move where ever I want in the country or even outside of it, have the same holidays off as my children if I decide not to home school, and get to teach my favorite subject in the entire world.
Needless to say, I have been busy. I haven't even bought pumpkins, let alone made a Halloween tree to set up an altar to honor the dead. I would feel guilty, but I don't. I had to focus on me for once and what I needed to do in order to feel alive. I am sure my deceased friends and family will understand and forgive me.
I plan on posting next Friday for the Pagan Blog Project and hopefully an addition post sometime next week; on what I am not sure yet, but I will figure it out.
I hope that everyone is enjoying this lovely fall and doing well!

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