Book Review: Golbinproofing One's Chicken Coop by Reginald Bakeley

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I laughed the entire way through Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop: And Other Practical Advice in Our Campaign Against the Fairy Kingdom by Reginald Bakeley. Bakeley, without a doubt, loathes fairies and does nothing to hide this fact in his writing. While I disagree with Bakeley in some key areas, his reasoning, expertise, and methods are sound. If you wish to rid yourself of fae and protect yourself against the good folk, Bakeley has you covered.

Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop is divided into two parts: noticing fairy activity and preparing for a fairy assault. Bakeley leaves no stone unturned, covering everything from ridding your home of brownies to protecting your chickens from goblins to cooking gnomes. Yes, you read that right...cooking gnomes which are apparently "lean, flavourful, and dense" but "prone to dryness." I can't help but laugh at how serious yet often unserious this guide feels. When explaining that a letter praising your home's brownie must be written, Bakeley says, "In my experience it is easier to write such a letter whilst biting into an old belt, although this can get in the way of the oft-consulted whisky tumbler." Woe is me who has to write a kind letter to a dreaded fae! Despite his apparent hatred, he does find some faeries useful, such as fae livestock and flower fae. He doesn't necessarily love them, but he does see the value in using them to his advantage. 

Bakeley's disdain practically drips off the page, and while he may hate most of them, I do not. In my experience, the fae have been more helpful than harmful. In fact, gnomes are highly regarded in my family, and the thought of eating them is extremely disrespectful. This may be attributed to cultural differences, but I would never think to disrespect the nature spirits I have worked so hard to develop a relationship with. I do agree that not all fae have our best interests in mind, and they can be tricky, but I don't believe they are deliberately malicious; they simply have a different view of the world than we do, one made abundantly clear in folklore from around the world. Needless to say, I don't have to agree with Bakeley's approach, but I do see the value in what he has to say, as sometimes you need to get rid of an unwanted guest, and he certainly knows how.

Because of Bakeley's tone and shrewd writing style, the book is extremely short and easy to get through. I was able to read it entirely in an afternoon while waiting on NPCs to spawn in World of Warcraft. It's chock full of humor, folklore, and practical applications and is sure to inspire even the most stalwart of fairy lovers to think twice about their inclinations. I highly recommend picking up a copy of Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop by Reginald Bakeley just for the fun of it and encourage you to read it outside on a bright, clear afternoon. Who knows what may be rustling in the hedgerows around your home?

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