This spell is not about convincing yourself that you are perfect. Instead, it is about embracing yourself as you are and reminding yourself that you are worthy of love and care, even when you don't feel like it. Self-love takes time and commitment, but it is the first step in spiritual activism. As I state in my book The Green Witch's Guide to Self-Care, we cannot fill our cauldrons (community) until we fill our chalices (self). That means taking care of yourself is required to care for your community, whether that care be through protesting, advocacy, or volunteer work.
What You'll Need
- Bowl of warm water (large enough to fit your hands)
- Pinch of salt
- Towel
- Pink candle
- Carving tool
- Anointing oil (rose-scented is perfect for this)
- Crushed rose petals
- Match/lighter
- Mirror or reflective surface
What to Do
This spell is best performed on a Friday (or Valentine's Day) during the early morning or late evening when you can be alone in a quiet environment.
Begin by cleansing your space and objects using your preferred method. If you feel called to do so, cast a circle and invite any deities, spirits, or ancestors you wish to witness or assist in your self-love rite. When ready, ground and center yourself in this moment using your preferred method.
When you feel grounded and centered, add your salt to your warm water and wash your hands while saying, "I wash away my self-doubt and self-hatred. It holds no power over me. I return to myself in love and grace." Pat your hands dry.
Using your carving tool, carve the word "self-love" into the candle. Anoint it using your anointing oil of choice, then roll the candle in your crushed rose petals to coat. Place the candle in front of you and light it using your match or lighter.
With the candle lit, gaze into the mirror or reflective surface. Do not search for imperfections and faults. Instead, focus on simply recognizing your face and body, appreciating it for carrying you this far. Spend several minutes gazing at your reflection, relearning to love yourself as you go by saying outloud that you are thankful for each part of your body. I always like to begin with what I love most about myself before working toward saying I am grateful for the things I like the least. It is okay to cry during this ritual. In fact, I encourage it. Let out all of your emotions as you remind yourself that this body, in all its glory, is yours and worthy of love.
When you have finished thanking all parts of your body, place your hand over your heart and say, "This is the one who stayed. I am loved and worthy of love."
Next, dip your fingers into the water and touch your forehead lightly and say, "I am not my harshest critic. I am the keeper of myself."
Next, dip your fingers into your anointing oil and anoint your forehead or heart while saying, "I vow to speak to myself with care. I vow to rest when I am weary. I vow to return when I stray from myself."
Hold your hands near the candle flame (without burning them!), say, "I tend my own hearth. My worth does not waver. So I will it, so shall it be." Gently extinguish the candle or allow it to burn down.
Either flush the water or pour it outside as an offering. Before you come at me for the salt being in the water, it is a pinch. That is not enough to cause any ecological harm.
Warnings/Modifications/Alternatives:
- Do not leave a lit candle unattended, and always have water or another fire extinguisher nearby.
- I understand that mirrors can be triggering, especially for those with body dysmorphia. If a mirror feels too distressing or inaccessible, replace it with a heavy, warm, or otherwise comforting object. Close your eyes and instead of reflecting on how you perceive your body in a mirror, focus on how your body feels. When finished, place your hand over your heart and say, "I do not need to be seen to be worthy. I am loved and worthy of love."
- Because of the potentially distressing nature of this ritual, you may wish to have a grounding crystal on hand, such as black tourmaline, obsidian, onyx, or jet, or a crystal for emotional healing, such as rose quartz.
- If you cannot burn a candle, try replacing it with a tea made from rose petals, chamomile, and lemon balm. Hold it for warmth at the end of the ritual and drink it instead of extinguishing the candle.
Why You Did It
Understanding the whys of a spell (or ritual or recipe) is just as important as performing it. It helps you understand the process so you can modify the spell or ritual to suit your needs, and it helps guide you in writing your own. It's my intention to provide these explanations so that you can build a better understanding of how spells are written and executed, so you can modify and build your own spells (the goal of my Spellcrafting Series).First and foremost, this ritual is best performed on a Friday or Valentine's Day, as these are days traditionally associated with love, whether it be self-love or otherwise. You'll want to do this at a time when you can be alone in the quiet hours of the day because there is a good possibility you are going to get emotional. There is nothing worse than being in the middle of an emotional ritual, and your partner or children come barging in to break your concentration and energy.
Next, a bowl of water with a pinch of salt was used to wash your hands and later anoint your forehead. Salt is naturally detoxifying and therefore cleansing. By washing your hands in warm salt water, you are helping to wash away any self-doubt, lingering blockages, and other energies that may get in the way of this spell. This same water was used to anoint your forehead to dispel your desire to continue to criticize yourself.
Pink is associated with self-love, making it the perfect color to use for the candle in this particular spell. "Self-love" was carved into the candle to represent the overall intention of the spell, then anointed with oil and rolled in crushed rose petals, which are also associated with love. Roses are also associated with protection and emotional healing, both of which are needed during this ritual to help you overcome any self-doubt or self-loathing you may be feeling while looking at yourself.
Looking at your body in a mirror and really studying yourself while thanking it for all it does for you is a great way to override your negative self-talk. This particular exercise is known as mirror gazing meditation, and is known to help foster self-compassion, increase self-awareness, and interrupt negative thought patterns. It also encourages emotional regulation by forcing you to confront your own reflection, allowing you to dismantle internalized criticism. Ultimately, this activity helps to rewire your brain, thus shifting your focus away from your perceived flaws to your strengths. This is followed by a positive affirmation in which you remind yourself, while holding your heart (the center of love), that you are worthy of love and affection.
This ritual is finished with the dispelling of negative thoughts through the anointing of your forehead with the salt water, as previously mentioned above, and the anointing of your forehead or heart with anointing oil while making a vow to be kind and loving to yourself. The heat from the candle's flame is used to close the ritual and bring warmth and comfort.
The water is flushed, thus flushing away unwanted negative energies, or returned to the earth for a similar purpose.
Want to break this spell? This really isn't a spell that is broken, but instead it will naturally wane over time if not reinforced often through this or other self-love rituals.
Remember to record this spell in your Book of Shadows or use my Spell/Ritual Worksheet for reference later.
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I know with everything that has been going on in the world that thinking about and caring for yourself may seem selfish. It isn't. We have to remember that self-care is a necessary part of resistance. I am wishing all of you a safe and loving time as winter slowly begins to turn toward spring.
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